The Great Coffee Catastrophe
by Sale
Summary: Nessa tries to assert her own independence by making herself a cup of coffee. One-shot. May hint at Nessa/Boq if you look at it the right way.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own much of anything, except for Merwin's Miraculous Coffee-Brewing Apparatus. I suppose if someone really wants to use that, they can go ahead as long as they give credit where it's due.

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**Semi-Obligatory Author's Note**: Though I suppose a oneshot about a younger Elphaba accidentally getting some sort of green pigment on Frex's pristine off-white carpet might have been more appropriate given the circumstances, this is what happened as a result of me having my dad's house to myself for several days running without much to do.

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**The Great Coffee Catastrophe**

_By Sale_

Nessa cleared her throat. "Erm…Boq…" She began, unsure as to how to break the news to the man she'd been holding prisoner for the last five years. She anxiously fiddled with the lace around the edges of her sleeve and glanced warily towards the kitchen. "I don't really know how to break this to you, but…"

Boq knew that whatever Nessa intended to tell him couldn't possibly be good. It hardly ever was. He guessed that she'd probably spent a ton of money on some strange gadget she wouldn't really need, or signed him up for some crazy program or team that he wouldn't want to sign up for. Either that, or she'd resubscribed to that awful publication of hers again without his consent..._Striped Socks Throughout the Ages_. He just didn't understand the allure.

"Yes, Nessa?" He finally conceded, clenching his teeth in preparation for the worst.

"Boq, I know this month has been bad for Munchkinland financially…" She began, flashing the most confident-looking smile she could muster, "But I got around to thinking that I should probably try to be a bit more independent around here. It would free up a lot of time you could be spending on more important things, like fluffing my pillows and shining my shoes, and…"

Boq furrowed his brow and glared down at the governor. "Out with it Nessa. What did you buy and how much did it cost?"

Nessa gulped and rolled into the kitchen. In the middle of the room was the strangest-looking contraption Boq had seen all week long. It took up a pretty decent amount of floor space and was positively covered in strange-looking levers and gauges and dials. On top of that, the whole apparatus was plated in the gaudiest gold finish he'd ever seen.

"Behold Merwin's Miraculous Coffee-Brewing Apparatus! I can use this to make myself coffee in the morning," Nessa tried to explain, as Boq rolled his eyes and shook his head. She indicated a large aperture near the top of the device, which was just barely within Nessa's reach. "All you have to do is put the coffee beans in this compartment, and the machine does the rest for you depending on how you adjust the gauges!"

"Personally, I think it's easier for me to just make your coffee the normal way while you pawn this waste of barter tokens off as soon as humanly possible." Boq cringed, still reeling from the slight shock at the sight of the contraption. "I'd like to see you _try_ and make a cup of coffee with this thing."

Nessa shrugged. "Alright. Watch this!" She announced as she zoomed over to the cupboard in search of the coffee beans. For about two minutes, she stared blankly at the shelves looking for them, until Boq deftly plucked them from a shelf about three feet above the top of Nessa's wheelchair.

Nessa snatched the bag without so much as a word of gratitude, as if she'd grabbed them herself, and headed back for the machine. "Really, it's simple. And not only that, it employs the latest mechanical advancements this side of Ix. Completely steam-powered. Just light the range at the bottom and it'll power itself."

"With what, Nessa?" Boq persisted. "You can't light a match!"

Nessa frowned. "Of course I can!" She retorted, returning to the cupboard. Boq sighed, wandered over to the hearth, and took the box of matches from the table next to it. He walked back to Nessa and nonchalantly placed them on the shelf in front of her.

Eventually, she spotted the matches and turned to give Boq a triumphant grin. "See? I knew where the matches were, didn't I?"

Boq just muttered something unintelligible under his breath as his boss approached the machine and extracted a match. She stared at it for a while and tried to remember when the last time she actually saw somebody light a match was. There didn't seem to be any sort of instructions on the box. "Nessa, just give up already." Boq sighed. "You've wasted enough time already. Why are you even bothering with this?"

Nessa just stared blankly up at Boq. She didn't exactly want to admit the truth, so she handed him the match, which he promptly struck against the stone wall.

"See? It isn't brain surgery, Nessa." Boq sighed, handing the lit match back to the governor against his own judgment. Nessa leaned over and lit the range with less difficulty than he'd predicted. Maybe there was something to this crazy machine after all. She smiled up at her servant and for a moment, he found himself almost feeling happy for her infinitesimal accomplishment, but before his happiness could turn to the pity of knowing that this was the most influential thing she'd done in months, Nessa rolled over his foot on the way to gather the bag of coffee beans again.

Boq yelped and clutched his foot in pain, holding in the string of obscenity he felt the need to spew at Nessa for the accident, as the perpetrator dumped the entire bag of coffee beans into the compartment and flipped a switch. "Watch _this!_" She announced, backing over Boq's other foot to watch the machine do its work.

As the device sprang to life, whirring and clicking in ways no invention ever should and spewing steam throughout the kitchen, Boq flipped through the instructions that were lying on the table nearby as fast as he could, scanning the text for any step Nessa might have neglected to fulfill. He darted to the sink and filled the reservoir tank with water and slammed a coffee cup under the dispenser as the machine began to shake and shudder uncontrollably.

"Nessa, are you sure this thing is even safe?" He shouted when the coffee machine began to emit an unholy roar.

"Well I…er…" Nessa stammered. As if on cue, the entire machine began to spew coffee grounds, sugar, cream, and water from every seam and crack in the casing. Boq seized the handles of the wheelchair and ran for cover behind the counter, ducking just as the thing exploded in a caffeinated blaze of glory. He blinked several times and slowly peeked over the top of the counter. The top of his hat was singed and the entire room reeked of coffee beans. Pieces of furniture and food were spewed all over the place. He hoped he wouldn't be the one put in charge of cleaning _that_ mess up.

As the coffee dust settled, he spotted it, standing amidst the disaster zone, the only thing still upright. He hesitantly approached the center of the room. It was a cup of coffee. It had just enough sugar and just enough cream, and it was at just the right temperature. Tentatively, he picked up the cup and handed it to Nessa, who'd come out from behind the counter to join him. She smiled and took the cup, voraciously chugging it down in no more than three enormous gulps. "See? I told you I could make a cup of coffee without help!" Nessa beamed, blushing with pride.

Boq shook his head, laughed and placed the empty cup in the sink. "I'd have to say you've outdone yourself, Madame."

Nessa's face turned even redder at the statement, which she chose to perceive as a compliment. "Well…the other machine is supposed to arrive within the next two days!" She exclaimed. "With a little practice I think I can get to the point where I'm not blowing them up by the end of the month! Isn't that wonderful, Boq? You'll never have to make me a cup of coffee again!"

Boq fainted.

THE END


End file.
